Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Title: Helena's Story, chapter 1 'Breaking Up Is Hard To Do'
Author: Jason
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no copyright infringement intended
Continuity: Same universe as Dick's Story about 4 years later.
Notes: I owe forever thanks to Darci, for Beta reading, editing, and picking up the pieces when I have meltdowns after getting stuck.

Oracles absence isn't making this any easier.  Why would someone wait until the superhero community is in total disarray to steal something this dangerous and powerful... alright stupid question I know... but my nerves are frayed.  Mom and dad being out of the country looking for Ra's al'Ghul after that stunt he pulled with the Lazarus pit in Bialya, doesn't help either.  Without Oracle or Batman to whip everyone into shape everyone is tripping over each other.  I had no idea how disorganized the Justice League really is.  At least the Titans are able to function without Dick, and the Teen Titans have me to keep them in line... I guess Jason helps a little too, but not much.  But everyone seems to be stepping on each other, I didn't realize how much Oracle intervenes on our behalves, you would think Wonder Woman didn't trust us to do our jobs the way she is constantly snapping at us.  

You know I can't blame this entirely on Oracle and Dick being on leave or dad... and mom, being away on another pressing matter.  What the hell was Luthor thinking, ordering the development of something that does that.  It has to violate the Geneva convention and probably every proscription on war and free will in every religion on the planet... and a few from off world as well.  Perhaps some of my scorn should be directed at the military for showing interest in just such a weapon.  

“Robin, Bat Girl...” Kid Flash calls to me and Jason as she comes running from the Luthor Corp facilities main security building.  “I've finished reviewing the security tapes, for the last few months.”  She informs us, “There isn't anything unusual except for the 4 minutes 17 seconds they go black during the robbery last night.”

“I've got some bad news too”, Mirage pipes up as she comes around from behind the laboratory.  “Obsidian and I weren't able to find evidence of tampering in either the electrical or telecommunications wiring... anywhere on site.”

“There is no reason” Obsidian takes up the explanation, “for the video to have cut out.”

“The security guard said that he was doing his normal rounds when the video cut out,” Speedy informs us, “that's why he wasn't aware of the problem until this morning when he checked the lab personally.”

“How convenient,” Power Girl seethes... Kara is so hot when she seethes, she does this really amazing breast inflation thing, and I can barely... that's neither here nor there though, she has already picked up on Superman and Supergirl's almost pathological hatred of all things Luthor.  “Why didn't rent-a-cop call in some extra help when the rest of the guards all mysteriously came down with a stomach bug the same night?”

“Ahem...” Wonder Boy clears his throat as he is approaching for a landing near our group “I've just come from Dr. Malek's home, it seems he almost never leaves the compound... except for last night.  He is obsessed with this project, but evidently his wife had a melt down last night and called him up and demanded he come home and spend time with her, or she would file for divorce.”  He pauses thoughtfully for a moment, mulling over what else he has to report.  “Dr. Malek, went right away because he has been divorced five times already.  However Mrs. Malek told me this morning that she doesn't know why she did that, she knew going into the marriage that he would spend a lot of time at work, and she likes the solitude.”

“Do you think she would submit for a tox screen?”  Wonder Girl asks him.  “We would have to suggest to the police, that she is a person of interest.”  I remind her, “before they could get a court order or a warrant.”

“Who ever it was, was either very clever,”  Green Lantern starts as he and Jade return from their investigation, “or they were very stupid.”

At our perplexed looks, Jade takes pity on us “There was a lot of evidence, in the lab left by the perps... foot prints, finger prints, hair samples...”

Green Lantern is looking angry as he continues “The evidence points to Gorilla Grodd... Sinestro... Mirror Master... Penguin... Giganta... Angle Man... Solomon Grundy... Live Wire... Onomatopoeia... The Ventriloquist... Captain Cold... Gentleman Ghost... Catman... Killer Croc and Two Face.”

“Sinestro is dead”  Robin declares, “You don't have to worry about that, G.L. but would you like me to take you off the case any way?”  Green Lantern shakes his head reluctantly.

“With Sinestro dead, and evidence pointing to him”  I start, “and half the villain community, it sounds like someone is going for misdirection.  I'd almost be willing to bet we can cross everyone of those people off our suspect list.”

“What you guys seem to be telling me,” Robin looks unusually thoughtful at this, “is that this is an inside job?”

“That, Robin,” Lex Luthor says as he strolls up behind us with some military stuffed suit, “is libelous.  Everyone on this project went through background checks, and is thoroughly accounted for.”

Not everyone... I glare at Luthor wondering... oh no... now I am picking up the anti Luthor bigotry.  

“Mr Luthor,” Robin goes on nonplussed, “it is our responsibility as investigators to check all avenues the evidence points us to.”  Wow!  I am actually impressed he is being intelligently diplomatic as he continues “We have a number of suspects we are going to investigate.”

“Mirage, go check on Mirror Master”  Robin starts handing out assignments and I have to grit my teeth because he didn't even consult me first... “Argent, you go find Gentleman Ghost.  Speedy, you've got Catman.  Herald, find Ventriloquist.  Pantha, I think you would do well with Killer Croc.  Obsidian, check up on Live Wire, up at Black Gate. Hot Spot, find Angle Man.  Wonder Boy... Solomon Grundy, Wonder Girl... I've got a special mission for you.  Power Girl go bring in Giganta... gently... ish....   Fury, Two Face.  Silver Scarab, go after Captain Cold.  Kid Flash, Onomatopoeia has your name all over him.  Green Lantern, can you get Grodd?”

Green Lantern nods, and I have to bite my tongue... these are really well done assignments.  Plus he left me my favorite friend.

“Bat Girl, would you like to go after Penguin” Robin asks superfluously, “or do you want me to get him and you can help Wonder Girl on her special mission?”

I only roll my eyes at him in response, as if he didn't know I wouldn't jump at an opportunity to go break Penguins big ugly beak.

As we are all departing on our respective assignments, I have to reassess my view of my 'big brother', he is actually turning into a hell of a leader.

“Oh and Mr. Luthor,” Robin smirks at Luthor, “if we are wrong about it being an inside job, it would be slanderous, not libelous.”  The military goon actually suppresses a guffaw.

Never mind, my long held view holds.

~

Damn it!  A day and a half on the trail of our prey, and all we did is take a dozen bad guys off the street.  At least until some bleeding heart judge lets them out again.  I am still pissed that Penguin was out of town, and I am bothered that his hench birds don't know where he is.  Actually that is worrisome, but Dick and Alfred wouldn't let me go after him, they are pretty sure this weapon doesn't match Penguin's M.O., and that he wouldn't be smart enough to figure out how to use it.  But I am 15 years old, I know everything now... except where Penguin is.  Damn it I really want to break something.

Jason called us all back to Titans Tower, so that we don't get so tired and frustrated that we start missing obvious clues on the disappearance of that weapon.  I have to admit, that R&R thing he came up with for the membership contract was really inspired.  It gives us a chance to still be kids, in between missions, we don't snap at each other like the Titans used to when they were the Teen Titans... I wonder who really had the idea, and put it into his head.  

Well everyone is in the Tower rec room and blowing off steam, and actually laughing.  Well everyone but Jason that is.  I wonder what he is doing?  Maybe I should start that project dad left for me?  I don't see though, why he thinks I need to find some redeemable or admirable quality in the men in my life?  It isn't like he doesn't feel the same way about people as I do.  Anyway I respect him and Dick and Alfred, isn't that enough?

“Hey everyone!”  Jason says from behind me... damn him he is getting really good at stealth, I actually jumped.  “Fearless leader is back.” Rocky and Bullwinkle, Jason?  Really?  Isn't that fake vague eastern European accent of Boris and Natasha's now considered racist, you left wing Green Arrow want-to-be?  Or are you letting your left wing sympathies show us what side you are really on?  Doesn't matter Cold Wars been over commie, we won.  

“Where have you been?”  Wonder Girl asks him, at least I am not the only one who is curious.  “I called R&R for the evening,” he replies “Remember?  Well, anyway, I took R&R the only way I know how to... I was hitting tail at the new gay bar in Chelsea.”  Liar.  “I had a fourgy with a bunch of really hot college guys, in town on break from O.S.U.  Then, I found some cute blond twins and did them separately, and than together.” Super double liar!  I don't get how or for that matter why Jason and Robin are so totally different.  I wonder what he was really doing... I bet he was at the comic shop, chasing that poor kid who is so scared of him.

“Hey Jason,” Kyle starts.  I might as well start with Kyle Rayner on dad's project, since I already like him.  “Where do you get your fake I.D. at?”  

I feel a little bad for Kyle he works so hard and in earnest, and he had to learn his trade from that dip shit Guy Gardner.  Kyle has been with us since day one.  A founding member as Kid Lantern, highly recommended by Oracle.  Dad likes him, a lot, which says something, since dad hates Green Lanterns in general.  Although I never quite figured out why dad blew his top when I told him, that I liked him on the first meeting, and that if I had to pair off with a guy, it would have to be him.  Must be the whole 'no one is good enough for daddy's little girl' thing.  Anyway after last year's incident with Parallax, Kyle has had it even harder, because Ganthet came and declared that of all the people he could chose Kyle would be the universes last Green Lantern.  Than when he had to kill Sinestro to defeat Parallax... I get why he would like to get an I.D. and into bars and clubs he needs a place where he can wind down.  He has to take care of the whole freaking universe, plus the Justice League is on his case and our case, because they say they need him more than we do.  But he is loyal to his friends, I mean it's only another 16 months before he turns 21 and we have to kick him out anyway, they can have him than.

Ewwww!  What is Jason ripping open his tunic for?  “Right here, baby” he shouts pointing at his abs, while flexing them.  “This is my fake I.D.” he goes on, “one look at these rock hard babies and no door guy in the city, can resist letting me in.”

Damn you Stevie... you too Carrie, by pointing and laughing you only encourage his ridiculous behavior.  “You might want to put those things away, little bird”  Pantha purrs at him, “I am in heat, and I doubt you can resist me.”  Oh god Pantha, that was even worse!  He likes a challenge!  And you're so feral he might consider you manly.  Great now everyone is on the floor laughing like a pack of Joker's hyenas.  Well not quite everyone.

“Is it a good idea,” Theryon considers thoughtfully and stoically, “for our leader to present an image to the world, of a sex obsessed, throw-caution-to-the-wind, skirter of the laws we are meant to uphold?”  Regardless of whether or not it's true, he ads under his breath.

Well, I am not sure I like that he called Jason 'our leader', as opposed to 'one of our leaders.'  However, at least he recognizes what a liability Jason's antics are.  Alright, he spoke next, I'll do his analysis for my project now.  Let's see, redeemable qualities, he is basically an Amazon, that's a plus... he led Jason on for months and then left him flat, almost as bad as when he realized he didn't have a shot with Dick... for that I would practically worship him.  He is unflappable in battle, and a really skilled tactician and detective; practically Bat quality.

“I am not too concerned about it” Jason replies.  “How come?” Theryon asks him.  “Because,” Jason continues, “Robin doesn't engage in those behaviors, Jason Todd, spoiled adopted son of Bruce Wayne does...”

I've got it, I know what it is that is so admirable about Theryon!  His responsibility!  Both of his parents are absentee, he gets an allowance from the Themysicran embassy every month which makes my allowance look like small potatoes, plus he gets a stipend from the U.S. government, because his dad is some muckity muck and a secret agent.  Yet he lives a simple existence, gives most of his money to charity, and with no one telling him to, he goes to school every day (O.K. that is a little lame of him, I know.)  He is an honor student, and a hero, and valuable member of this organization, we'd probably be as lost without him as we would without Kara or Kyle or me.

“...Anyway, we aren't in charge of our publicity.  We all have secret identities, so the Department of Meta-Human affairs puts out a propaganda rag with a bunch of lies about what we do when we aren't fighting crime.”  Wait... what did Jason just say?  I have to have misheard him.

“Lies?” Theryon asks.  Jason nods in response, “Such as?” Theryon presses him.  O.K. Now I am a little interested too, I didn't know about this, and since he isn't twitching his ears which is his tell, I think he is got to be telling the truth.

“Just that we are a bunch of all Americans...” Jason responds flippantly and with disdain... the damn commie. “We are a bunch of 'handsome' ra ra high school students, football players or cheerleaders to a person... church going Christians.  Heck, they say I'm a youth pastor, with an abstinence ministry!”  He concludes falling all over himself with laughter, but that part might as well be true.

“How exactly,” Pantha asks in her husky Spanish accented purr, “do I blend in at a high school?”

“I have to fight myself to keep from beating cheerleaders” Stevie scowls.

“I am a mystic” Hector responds, “I have the athletic talent of an overweight quadriplegic.”

“Are you sure,” Todd asks, “so your ripped body is a fake?”  Lyta is giving Todd such a look, if he wasn't oblivious he would be cowering in his shadows.

“I prefer,” Hector answers, “to think of it as being magically maintained.”

Oh quick what can I say about Todd and Hector...  Todd is a lying closet case, but he does it to respect his dad's outdated prejudices from the last century, which I suppose is good and he is totally devoted to his sister, he has her back, I can't say the same about Jason.  I don't know Hector that well, and evidently he has just admitted to being deceitful about his appearance, but he is the best secret keeper in the community, I once heard Dr. Fate say so, so I guess that means he is reliable.

“I am not even entirely human” Isiah ponders, “How can I be considered all American?”

“We don't count,” Mal responds, “The people who care about that tripe, don't think of people like you and me as people.”

“Isn't that a little harsh?” Toni asks him, a little shocked that Mal would say something like that.

“Maybe a little.” Mal is suddenly contrite, ”and it wasn't at all appropriate for the holder of Gabriels Horn.  I ask you all to forgive me, for responding in anger.”

Mal is humble and humbling with his power to be beatific.  Isiah is really easy going, he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks like Mal did and he doesn't let the shit he gets from the White community or the Black community affect him.

“With deepest respect Mal,” Theryon is addressing the whole group now, “to you, your god and your faith in him; I find it insulting and distressing that we are all lumped together as being Christians.”

“I understand your concern,”  Mal smiles at Theryon, “and I share your distaste for the action.”

“Stevie, Lyta and I are Olympians” Theryon explains after acknowledging Mal “you,” he goes on looking at Jason “are an auto-theist.  Pantha is Jewish, Kara is Raoan, Todd has been practicing Wicca in secret, Hector practices something similar to Thelema, Conner is Buddhist and Kyle...”

That's right I've just got Conner left... that is since Jason doesn't count since he has no redeemable qualities.  Let's see he is Oliver Queen's son and isn't a total ass.  No dad won't accept that, for some reason dad likes Oliver.  Wait I've got it, its that whole Buddhist thing Conner has going on.  It makes him serene and easy to talk to.  You know he is always listening to you and paying attention.  Plus he eschews sex like I do, which makes him totally non threatening.

There, project done!  Now my free time is really free!

“I've seen too much of the universe,” Kyle tells us, “to be anything other than an atheist.”

“ME TOO!” Jenny, Toni and Carrie all respond in unison.  Oh this could get interesting, even if it isn't a girl they are all after.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jason enters his silly professor mode, “that is all true, and it's the point.  Don't you see?  They are helping us protect our identities, by misdirecting the public away from us when they look for our secret identities.  Plus we are the banner super hero team, the one that is supposed to be inspirational to the youth and all that junk.  It helps keep kids clean and on the right side of the law, or so the theory goes.”

“I suppose there is a point there” Stevie cuts herself short.  “Agreed, but I still don't like it” Theryon concludes.

“So why do you guys get separated out as Olympians, but I am still an auto-theist?”  Jason grins at Theryon in mock horror.  “You misunderstood,” Theryon replies, “I wasn't claiming godhood as a member of the Olympian pantheon, but that we are devotees of the Olympian pantheon.  The English language name for the Gods collectively and their devotees are blasphemously the same.”

“I am not Wiccan” Todd mumbles in a scowl, “I am A.D.F. Druid, I wouldn't disrespect Hector by following that garbage that Wicca teaches.  And it was secret because I didn't want to share what I was doing.”

A.D.F.?  So he is another fake history geek like Jason, I wonder if they should hook up and go to S.C.A. meetings together?

“Hey babe,” Kara whispers in my ear and my toes curl as her breasts caress my shoulder.  “Yeah?” I smile impishly at her.  “Can I talk to you privately?”  Yes were going to eat each other out!  I love when she is playing coy with me.  “Sure!” I get up and walk out of the rec room with her, and as we are leaving I hear Hector tell Todd “Actually I don't find Wicca offensive... so long as you avoid everything derived from Gerald Gardner or published by 'Llywelyn'.”

After the door to her quarters closes behind me, I start stripping off the Bat suit, except for the cowl she loves having me in the cowl.  “You were staring at my breasts,” she tells me and I practically wet myself at the thought of her breasts, “the entire time we were at the Luthor complex yesterday.”  Two can play this game I start caressing my breast seductively.  “I really felt...” she starts as she is turning to face me.  “Why are you naked?”  she asks me.  Alright we've never done this role play before, but I will go with it.  “I want to make love to you Kara!” I respond pretending to be a shy Catholic school girl.  “See, this is why I am breaking up with you Helena,” she practically screams at me.  Excuse me?  Breaking up with me?  Is this for real or is this just some really messed up role play?  I saunter over to her and stick my hand down her blouse and... “STOP IT!” Kara yells “I am serious” she tells me as she pulls away and goes to the other side of the room.  Uh oh... this is for real... I feel myself redden as I think of a way to salvage this disaster.

“I see,” I start.  “Do you?” she asks angry, “Do you really?”

As I move towards the door to gather up my Bat suit I ask her “Can you tell me why?  Is there something I've been doing wrong?”  I hesitate, but continue with “Is there something I can improve?”

“&#*$ing hell Helena” she vents, “Yes! There is something you are doing wrong.  You are objectifying me.  I am nothing but a sex object to you.  You constantly stare at my chest, like at Luthor's plant.  Then there is the constant demand for sex, and the comments you make.  I know you think Jason is a huge perv, but at least he is only talk.  You are ten times worse than he would be if he did everything he says he does.”

Wow, that's a low blow.  I wonder if she is on whatever Mrs. Malek got slipped.  “You aren't being fair,” I start, “I do like the sex, but I also love you and...”

“Save it.”  she seethes at me, but somehow refusing to let her breasts inflate like they normally do.  “I am sick of being with a child.  That is what you are, an overgrown child.  Maybe when you grow up we can talk.”  She starts shoving me towards the door, still naked. “Until then I don't want to see you anymore.”

I fall out of the door clutching my Bat suit over my bare body.  Where the hell did that come from?  I just hope no one sees me before I get back to my quarters, I don't care about my naked body, but I can't let them see the tears starting to well in my eyes...